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Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.  John 1: 3-5

This notebook is not my “look.” In fact, I think it’s ugly. It was one of the few things I inherited when my mom died. I knew it had its place; in my purse and out of view. It reflects my mom’s personality, and using it for God’s word was a perfect way to honor her. I decided to use this ugly little thing for the most beautiful thing: Promises that would inspire me when I needed it, or inspire others for the same reason.

MY PRAYER

Jesus, you are my life. May your light show me what you see, beyond what is right before me, and into the hearts of those around me. May your light reveal what is true and right and forever. Whatever my eyes see or I perceive, may your light provide better vision that will give hope where there is darkness, and light the path that leads myself and others toward restoration.

 

Forgive my horrible writing. In the moments when I write in this book, I’m usually cramming the gem onto the page, determined to retain the comfort for another time, but not concerned with my penmanship. I wish I could share this with you with pride in my writing style. If I could, I’d have my friend who writes beautiful calligraphy enter them. They deserve that attention.

 

Facebook Banner: by Machele Brass

Today I’m off to my favorite place: the beach. I get to combine work and pleasure, and am so very grateful for the two things coming together. To top if off, a friend is coming with.

I really wanted to bring a friend, and marveled at how determined I was to have someone with me. In the past I would relish a weekend at the beach alone. Last year I spent several of my summer vacation days alone and didn’t think I could get enough of it. I’m here to tell you, that if you are a people person like myself, you learn that neither extreme is good long term.

Loneliness, which I had rarely felt, is a new adversary. I know I mentioned before that when I worked FT, I longed to be left alone for a moment or two. Within the first week of working from home I discovered that a moment or two was what I wanted, not moments that never seemed to end!

Right away I discovered how easily distracted I was when a friend contacted me. Previously, work demanded that I put off friends who wanted to make contact during the work day. Suddenly my demands weren’t quite demands, but aspirations, and they seem more amendable to interruptions. Especially when loneliness prevails.

Intention is always our friend (coming from a pragmatic person), and it’s my weapon in this battle. Bills are my motivator: the house that I want to keep, the vacations I want to take, manicures, and everything in between. Aspirations that birthed this journey are flexibility and financial security. My behaviors have to support those two goals.

So I get out of bed in the morning, even though I understand, possibly for the first time, how dark clouds and pelting rain can affect the spirit. I set time goals to work before I allow distractions to win, and then I eagerly connect with a friend, or sometimes, anything that gives life (Winky, nature, a walk, an errand, an EHarmony check) to fill me up for the next few hours of work.

My notable accomplishments to date:

  1. Website is established
  2. I added a blog to it
  3. Sent out a mass email/slow mail announcement for Juggle Source
  4. Created a Facebook page

Those are/were all challenges for me. I have/had no idea what I am/was doing. The growing pains are real. Frustrations of how to post successful pictures on different social media platforms, liability insurance for a business like Juggle Source stumped even insurance brokers, bookkeeping management… Everything is new and often elusive. There isn’t enough gratitude for friends who help with resources and listen to me while I contemplate out loud. If learning new things keep us young, Fifty Nine is the new 20!

Now what?

I wait. No, I do not wait! But sincerely, what? The foundation is looking good. Now I pursue opportunities with friends, acquaintances, and business peers to communicate my service and pray that the Lord blesses this effort!

EHarmony update next.

Photo by Olivier Collet on Unsplash

When someone is as public as Kobe Bryant, we feel connected to him. Not knowing him personally doesn’t seem to matter, because publicly he stood for things to which we all can relate, or if we can’t, we want to. He was a competitor, he pursued and expected excellence, he was self aware and in retiring, he was decisive. Above all, he was a husband and father, and it appears he put as much energy into that as he did everything else. He proudly proclaimed his family man status, and “girl dad” privileges. Whether we have a dad, lost ours, or never knew ours, we understand the impact of a good father and husband.

Photo by Tina Bo on Unsplash

A good father and husband can strengthen, encourage, comfort and heal. His presence nourishes his family like the early morning dew that revives and energizes possibilities of a new day. In Kobe’s sudden departure, we see the beauty of those two roles and his example encourages us to embrace them when we have the opportunity. We can also imagine the unbearable pain of his absence. It’s the same pain we all feel when we lose a husband and a father, and for many, that is also relatable.

Kobe was a hero in our world, and in his family. It’s hard to lose a hero, but it’s not too late to be one. Thank you, Kobe.

With excitement, a queasy stomach, and overflowing appreciation to the friends who have provided me with thoughtful feedback and a critical eye, I bring to you: Juggle Source. Nothing would be possible without God and his never ending encouragement. His word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. It has carried me through every valley and up every hill. I could not be more grateful to him.

Logo design by: Machele Brass. Her logo was exactly what I wanted in the one sentence I gave her: “I’m leaning towards a 50s look, but clean and sophisticated.” It’s driven every design aspect, and I couldn’t be more pleased. Thank you, Machele!

Lots of things are converging this first week of 2020, none of which I thought would be at least 4 hours spent trying to assess the best way to purchase QuickBooks for my business. I’m on hold as I write this. It takes so much determination to plow through the muck. I am grateful that right now this is my job, and I am sympathetic to people who need help. Speaking of help, I am so so close to announcing my new business. I’m waiting to discuss some final touches on my announcement.

I am not a resolution type of gal. The last resolution I made was a good fifteen years ago. I vowed to drink one glass of wine a day. My tolerance was low, and I didn’t like that it affected me after just a half a glass.

Yes, when most people were vowing to stop drinking, I was vowing to drink. I was a trooper for a good 6 months or so, but I recall when I decided to quit. That’s largely in part why I don’t make resolutions. I don’t want the guilt of quitting. But I gave in. I was so sick of wine I broke my resolution in disgrace, and went back to just drinking wine on occasion, and I enjoy it again.

This is similar to when I was determined to like bleu cheese dressing. I think I was in junior high. I noticed that people who liked it, really liked it. I have always loved food. The situation of my young life might have had something to do with that. We often ate out of surplus boxes that were delivered to us. The box contained things like powdered milk, spam, peanut butter… basic staples. When I moved in to a foster home and got a chance eat decent food, I didn’t pass it up. But taking it further, I wasn’t satisfied with the normal foods kids my age liked. So back then, I set out to try bleu cheese dressing, and fell in love with it.

I still don’t like to miss out on what others are enjoying, which is a good segue to my next topic: on line dating. I’ve decided to do it.

I didn’t set out to do this or begin my business the first week of 2020. It’s like when flowers begin to burst, not because of the date on the calendar, but because of all the things that come together, they unfold before our eyes in wonder.

So, I signed up last night. I’m not eager, and in fact, dreading it would be more accurate. It’s kind of like, I want to be married, but I don’t want to date. I know how unrealistic that is. A couple of weeks ago a friend talk about her dating experiences. I wasn’t inspired about the dating, but I recognized that I could be missing out on something. Love, for example? Don’t even get me started on handyman benefits.

I asked a friend what she thought about me sharing my dating journey on my blog, and like a good friend, she said, “Why not? That’s what a blog is for!” It’s true, but at times I second guess myself. After a minute or two of contemplation I decided that this could be the most interesting thing I have to offer in my posts!

I’ve long thought that it will just happen, if it’s meant to be kind of thing. But I realize my marketability is dwindling every day that I wait for it to “just happen.” Like bleu cheese dressing, I could discover that I not only like it, but I love it.

I’ll share more with you soon, but I’ll leave you with a piece of my personality profile that made me laugh out loud. If you read my blog about being a girl (click here) you’ll recall that I have thought I’m sometimes more like a dude. Well, eHarmony concurs. I can think of a couple of friends who might think, “Ah, that explains a lot.”

I really am feminine, in many ways. But this was no surprise to me.