Juggle Source Mug Hug

I couldn’t not post this mug! This is in reference to my Twelve Mugs of Christmas I posted in December. I’m actually a little disappointed in the quality, but still, it’s pretty special. It arrived last week on the same day I posted Juggle Source on social media, which was also pretty special.

I realized last week how much Juggle Sourcing I’m doing to build my business! I’m not building a factory or inventing a worldwide solution to garbage (although, I’d love to do that), yet with everything I have to learn, my little business feels mammoth at times.

Finding a bookkeeping program that is affordable and works well on a MacBook Pro has taken hours. After asking people and scouring the Internet, and being run through the ringer with QuickBooks, I finally settled on a trial version of FreshBooks accounting system. It’s a cloud based system that seems comprehensive, including a customer database, invoicing, expenses, time tracking, and proposal generation.

A person at FreshBooks answered the phone and answered my questions without sending me to a million other people. FreshBooks is substantially less money per month than QuickBooks, so I hope it brings me accounting happiness, especially since accounting by definition does not make me happy.

Another great experience I had was with Google. I was unable to create groups for my email through their GSuite. But their customer service is awesome and works through problems when you contact them through the GSuite Admin Console. I’ve had to connect with them a few times, and I’m amazed at how eager they are to solve my problems. It’s like having a consultant at my fingertips.

I’m making good strides in establishing Juggle Source. On to…


I’m making good strides there, too. Well, I guess that depends on how one interprets “good strides.” Like a turtle?

It is downright overwhelming to pour over the “matches.” I’ve slowed down from what I did in the first few days. Right now I’m kind of waiting for matches who contact me. I may step it up and initiate contact, but with starting Juggle Source, this is a good pace. EHarmony matches you with people that their system deems a good match, after you take a compatibility quiz. I posted a portion of the results under “2020 Invites Change”, about my masculine side a couple of weeks ago. But after I’d posted that, I read the personality assessment that they send new members. It’s quite lengthy, so it took me a couple of days to get to it.

I understood their assessment of my masculine side being stronger than my feminine side. Finally, some confirmation! But their bar chart showed my animus (new word for me) almost falling off the page, and anima (another new word for me) hardly noticeable. I guess their compatibility quiz didn’t account for my make up, fashion, or decorating sensibilities. As I read the report that includes explanations, there was one assessment (that I won’t share on social media), that was definitely not me. Additionally, the report considered me an introvert, and that I’m not very generous. Who is this person???

And that’s what I asked when I met with some friends the next day and then talked with a couple more on the phone. Is this me? Is this socially comfortable person a good acting job for an introvert? I was practically devastated by the results. In part because I didn’t want to throw a tantrum because I didn’t like the results, and in part because I wanted the profile that other members see to reflect who I think I am.

It helped to talk with my friends, so guess what. I asked eHarmony if I could retake the quiz.

I’d thought I’d answered everything sincerely and thoughtfully the first time, and I didn’t want to answer insincerely and sabotage genuine results. But as I took it again, I saw where I might have misunderstood a couple of questions. Another area I did change my answers was on their pictures. They could have been the culprit! There is a series of two pictures side by side and we’re asked to choose the one we like best. I remember thinking the first time, “I have no idea which picture I like better. They’re both fine!” So this time, if I had no favorite, I chose the opposite one that I’d chosen the first time.

The results made a lot more sense to me the second time around. My masculine side was still strong, but it wasn’t off the charts, and this time it showed that I am more of an extrovert, with an introvert slightly below that, which makes sense to me. The one piece that I highly objected to, but won’t share, wasn’t addressed, because the second time around they don’t provide explanations for the results. This time, the results just show up on my site.

I had my first meeting today with a very nice man, but we weren’t a match, in spite of what eHarmony said. The one thing that I do like about their site is that I can look at their profiles and have a sense of what type of a person I’m meeting. So, while I didn’t know if the man I met today was a good match for me romantically, I had a sense of whether he was a good person, which he is.

I have a friend who tells me about horror stories her sister has, but she meets men off of a site that gives her very little information about the person’s character, which I think seems like a waste of time. But that’s probably my masculine side speaking.

That’s all for now!


Hello! Misunderstood is on temporary hold. In a moment of bravery, I submitted Misunderstood to the NY Times. A couple of summers ago I read a great book by Marion Roach Smith called The Memoir Project. I subscribe to her site and receive her emails. In her latest email, she encourages writers to consider submitting essays to the NY Times. She featured an article called VISION QUEST by an author named Evan Cooper, which was impressive and engaging.

I decided to follow Marion’s suggestion and go for it.

I submitted Misunderstood on 10/8/19. The NY Times requires all articles to be exclusive to them. That means, their articles cannot appear anywhere else. If I haven’t heard back from them by Monday, 10/14, I’ll post Misunderstood on my blog.

Typically I wish for more subscribers, but in this moment when I know my subscribers will see this announcement, I’m wishing this were only visible to those who stumble on to my blog site. I guess that means two things. You’re the first to know when I fail, and the first to know when I succeed.

As always, thank you for reading!


Before I delve into Misunderstood, I want to give a brief progress report on self-employment. I laugh every time I say it. Like I’m saying, “Me and the Mrs.” or something so very unlike me that the words cause my head to swivel around to see who is speaking. But I like the sound of “self-employment”, more than I like, “unemployed.” I appreciated the bank rep with whom I worked. When I asked if my business credit card could be denied because I’m not employed, she said, “Oh, but you are. You’re self-employed!” She almost got a hug.

I’m getting closer to sharing my business concept publicly. I’m not trying to be mysterious. I share it with anyone I talk with. It’s just that publicly, like on the big Internet, is a whole other measure of sharing, and I want certain things to be in place, so when the flood of questions come in, I’m prepared.

Last week was a mix of many things. I was strategic about incorporating people into my day, which resolved the loneliness I was feeling by working at home without human connections. I went to an early morning bible study, rode my bike, and met a couple of friends for a walk. I also analyzed my LLC Operating Agreement and spoke with Legal Zoom tax and business attorneys. I opened a business bank account, worked on my business plan, and corresponded with an agent about commercial insurance, which I hope to finalize this week. I worked a really great one-day customer appreciation gig I got off of Craigslist. Within that, I learned (thanks to You Tube, again) to shuck oysters. When I agreed to do that in advance, I had no idea what shucking live oysters entailed. Live oysters come with other live things, like a little crab, barnacles and some other sort of wiggly thing. Ugh. But I powered through. I took a picture, but I’m not going to post it; I don’t even like looking at it.


I’ve decided that being misunderstood is responsible for many damaged relationships. I know a whole bunch of stories where people have shut down relationships because they weren’t able to communicate themselves well, someone didn’t communicate the whole story, a third party was neglectful in the way they told a story, or a person wasn’t even sure they knew how they felt, but how they were interpreted definitely was not the heart of what they intended. Maybe it was a missed text, a missed post, or two people were talking, but walking in opposite directions, and they just didn’t hear well. There are so many different scenarios that can lead to being misunderstood. If we were a forgiving people and naturally gave the benefit of the doubt to everyone, being misunderstood wouldn’t be a big deal. Unfortunately, we tend to be a cynical, critical bunch. Given that, we have to be mindful that we are human, and in our humanness, there is a high likelihood that we’ll be misunderstood, which is worth considering before we cut someone off, or add another brick to that wall we’re building.

When we react out of hurt or anger, our tendency is to layer bricks to what we believe is a wall of protection. In reality, it’s a wall of prevention: prevention from experiencing all the joy and happiness that awaits us. If we haven’t learned along the way how to contend with hurt, pain, and confusion, one hurt at a time, we pile them up. The wall gets to a point where it’s difficult to see beyond, or to remove any of the bricks, where pride is the binding mortar. 

I know I’ve been on the giving side of being misunderstood. I’ve miscommunicated, I’ve left someone out, or have been absorbed in my own life. Once I realized this, I could only hope to be forgiven, and I recognized the value in giving others a break.

I once hosted a party and forgot to include someone who is now one of my best friends. She was the wife of president of the youth football organization. I was inviting everyone. Everyone! But I forgot to include her in the email. Fortunately, she brought up the gathering. I was embarrassed and apologized profusely, but the explanation still fell short: I forgot her?! Very recently, I completely forgot another best friend’s birthday. In this case, I was grateful for Instagram, after I saw a post by her daughter. I was able to redeem myself because she’s that kind of friend. But what about the occasions where someone didn’t say something to me or I wasn’t reminded on social media, because I missed a post (which in my case is often). What happens when I’m just tired and don’t feel like giving an explanation to something, or extend an extra amount of effort toward someone? What if lounging in the sun and eating nachos is more appealing than answering the phone some days? That’s not likely, but what if?!

A misunderstanding can cause us to become slighted or offended, and even indignant. We can stack that wall, or we can step back and consider options that will make a way for us to see more clearly. As Christians we know that God is perfect love. God’s Spirit lives in us, and there is no fear in perfect love. Of what do we have to be afraid? What causes indignation? Fear of rejection, loss of status or reputation, questioning our worth and value? These are worthy considerations, yet as a Christian I seek not to be measured by the world’s judgement, but by God’s judgement of me. John 4:16-18 explains that perfect love casts out fear. When I trust in perfect love, my fears of loss and anger subside, and I can begin deconstructing walls… or maybe not building them to begin with. And I can be at peace with my fallibilities, and yours, too.

Whether it’s in a social, personal, or professional arena, addressing misunderstandings is worth the discomfort that accompanies making the effort towards clarity. At work one day I’d received a really negative reaction from a co-worker. I couldn’t imagine why she was so angry with me. I did my best to engage her so we could sort it out, but she would have nothing to do with it. I was grateful our supervisor called a meeting. She is so great about confronting hard issues and she has learned some skills that are pivotal in resolution. She began the meeting with all of us stating what we appreciate about the other. Beautiful! We all softened. Then my accusers (there was another who was in agreement with the first) stated their beef with me. Bam. A complete misunderstanding. I held back the tears and silently reminded myself that I was a professional. I was determined to avoid an emotional breakdown, yet there were obvious dead give aways on my face that signaled distress. When it was my turn to speak, I said, “I believe I’ve been misunderstood.” About the same time, my supervisor agreed and confessed a key piece of communication that she’d forgotten to provide to this portion of staff. Being unaware of this information, they were in the dark, and blamed me for something of which I wasn’t guilty. There were a couple of tears among all of us, but they were minimal, and happy. This could have gone a completely different direction had we not taken time for discovery.

Sometimes we don’t need discovery, but rather acceptance. Perhaps others are juggling things in their world, and we’re a ball that gets dropped. Maybe a friend is really good at looking like she’s got it all together, but in reality she has a child on her hip while she’s stirring gravy and helping her 2nd grader with math, wondering how she’s going to get her 8 year old to dance practice, and her husband is away on business. At this time in her life, it’s hard for her to wrap her head around her friend who needs her because she broke up with her boyfriend of 10 years. Maybe someone is struggling to keep themselves or their marriage together, and as a result they’re missing some cues from their children.  Sometimes, we need to look past a personality type that we don’t like. Even a personality type can be misunderstood. Scenarios like these happen ALL. THE. TIME.

I understand that not all rifts are a result of misunderstandings. But so many are! Our relationships are life giving and vital to our well being. This is one thousand times more true when this is your family. Paul says not to let the sun go down while we are still angry. Anger is real and at times justified. But if it’s fueling brokenness, especially in your family, you’ve let the sun go down on your anger, and it’s worth exploring a misunderstanding.

The biggest tragedy of all is this: Most of the walls we build are preventable. When we refuse to humble ourselves and to use our skills, of which most of us are capable, we rob not just ourselves of joy, but we rob everyone of joy. The wall builder and those who are on the other side of the wall are missing out. We miss the fullness of all God has to offer us now, in this life, experiencing the intimacies of one another today and the memories we will cherish once our loved ones are gone.

In other words: We miss you.

We are capable. We will reap huge rewards when we are courageous, confront awkward moments and sacrifice our pride. Let us be human. When Jesus was on the cross he said, “Forgive them Father; they know not what they do.” If only we could follow his humble and brave expression of love.

Forgive me, Father. For I also know not what I do.

It was such a great mix of friends, family, work, personal tasks and ambitions, home maintenance, exercise, food, some tragedy (about Winky, but I’ll make that a separate post) etc. I made plans and I didn’t. I set my alarm and I didn’t. I did all these things, and there’s more I want to do! Like a great vacation spot that one leaves too soon, about this vacation I also say, ” I definitely want to come back some day.”

I don’t know what my favorite part was during my at home vacation (I guess it’s a staycation, but I’m so averse to trendy vernacular!). Every thing was so different from the daily demands of life, it was all awesome.

I created more products (but have to wait to share some of them) and continued exploration about the business side, which is not my favorite aspect of this side biz. I really love my new work space with my new stand up table my friend made for me. It’s making all the difference on my back, my mental state, and productivity.

Loving my work space.

A new product that I think is so cute!

I rode my bike a few times and once I stopped at Grand Central Bakery to eat their seasonal fruit coffee cake. It’s always between that and the brioche cinnamon roll, but when berries are in season, berries win. GCB isn’t an every day event, but I wasn’t on my way to work at 6:20 and I had just ridden my bike 10 miles, so I sat in a bakery and ate what I wanted in leisure. THIS IS VACATION!

I worked in the yard for hours, but not enough hours. I wacked, weeded, watered, moved and fertilized plants. I made a few bouquets for friends who could use some love. I worked in my friend’s yard and she treated me to steak and frites at Laurelhurst Market. I went to lunch with my former boss (she’ll appreciate me not using the word “old”) and I went to dinner with another friend and her husband. I went downtown spontaneously with a friend and split a lasagna at Piazza Italia, where it was fun to be served by an Italian waiter with a definite Italian accent. My friend and I talked about our lives over the last 6 months and then finished off our rendezvous with non dairy ice cream at Little Bean, a company that was created to change the world! I BBQed for myself and made some for my neighbors in exchange for some technology help. I visited with my sister and we ate pizza at Otto’s on Sandy Blvd. I experimented with my new Sea Beans I discovered at the McMinnville Farmer’s Market and made yummy salads.

This was only one victim of my hatchet session.



There are areas in my yard that I shake my head at, and then I look at this and am ok.




Sea Beans!

Yummy salad with sauteed Sea Beans, sauteed shitake mushrooms, power greens, red pepper, feta cheese, avacado, salt, pepper, and olive oil. 

Cilantro Chicken Marinade:
Cilantro, soy sauce, peanut oil, garlic, black pepper, red pepper flakes.



Cilantro chicken and roasted vegetables.



















I went to Bradley’s church in Newberg and loved worshipping next to him. Jesus is the great redeemer and uniter of people, and in that moment of worship, I was more in love with my savior than I can express. The church is called Red Hills Foursquare Church and has a great energy. Somehow it’s comforting to discover he’s attending a Foursquare church, since Beaverton Foursquare is my home church, and was his when he was younger. We got to play Corn Hole and stand around and talk about nothing in particular with his friends. It was great. Bridgey’s been occupied for the last three weekends, so I’m looking forward to getting to see her soon, yet not soon enough.

Corn hole at church.

I called on neighbors to come take care of the biggest ugliest grossest spider that Emily (my friend’s daughter who lives with me) discovered in the bathtub. I’d sent out an SOS group text.  One neighbor came to remove the spider, put it in a jar, and gave it to his son. I was grateful for my neighbors who were willing to rescue me, because I honestly don’t think I can cope with a spider like this. I have new appreciation for my neighbors and may never move. I have a darling picture of my neighbor’s young son marveling at his new pet in the jar, but I can’t bring myself to post it. His son is cute, but I can’t look at a big spider, even in a photo.

A huge treat was to stay with two friends in a fancy yurt on private property. First we visited Rex Hill Winery. In a state where beer and wine are past times, too many other things are in competition for me, so it was lovely to sip, sit, and listen to the wine steward and talk with my friends under blue sky overlooking grapevines. Lunch was at Red Hills Market in Dundee where the salami in the sandwich was about a half a pound too much, but the Bloody Mary was perfect.

I think the bacon had a lot to do with this great drink.

We ate at Pura Vida in McMinnville for dinner, sat on top of the McMenamins rooftop for sunset, topped it off with lemon sorbet across the street, and headed back to our fancy yurt where we giggled our way to sleep.

I’m entering into a time of transition in my life that I won’t elaborate on right now, but the time was good to delve deeper into my side job and what I want to do. That sounds mysterious, yet it’s really just a time of determining where and what I want to do, and how to go about it. I was glad I was able to spend time taking further steps and contemplate some things. There’s more to do, so I’m hoping I keep my momentum. Writing, as it so often does, took a back seat, but I was able to also work on a writing project, and now I’m about to post!

Au revoir from Portland… I know that doesn’t make sense, but, saying it seems kind of like eating fruit coffee cake at 9am on a Tuesday.

PS: I am not a website programmer and I know the site is evidence of that. I hope you’ll bare with me and hopefully one day I will improve on that, too!

Swallowing AND chewing.

I’m often listening to God’s word these days. Mostly while I get ready in the morning, but if I haven’t made time for it then, I squeeze it in somehow, maybe when cutting back my flowers or taking a walk. It’s an amazing tool we have for which I can’t say enough. I feel the same way about YouTube, as it provides me with instructions about my side biz for which I’m incredibly grateful. I’d marry the inventor, I’m that crazy about him… oops, maybe it’s a her!

But today is my first 3 day weekend for the summer and I’m relishing the opportunity to read God’s word, going back over a passage and recording my thoughts as I discover a new finding or dig when I am confused.

Listening to the Bible sustains me. It keeps me mindful of God’s will and puts me in the right frame of mind for the day ahead. When I’m hit with frustrations or disappointments, God’s word is in and part of me.

Yet when I shut down the Holy Bible You Version app as I focus on my outfit for the day (which is not a multi-tasking event),  I want to know more, understand more.  But I’m up against the clock as I scramble to leave for the day and I’m left feeling like I’ve swallowed before I’ve chewed.

Matthew 4:4 says

“Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’ ”

I miss a whole lot of God’s words when I listen and don’t see them. This third day off is a game changer, and so is the nourishment of God’s word.

The summer school schedule is under way. WooHoo! It’s been 4 days since most of the staff left for the summer. It’s been 7 days since the kids left for the summer. It’s been 10 days since we held graduation, 11 days since graduation practice and senior breakfast, and it feels like a million days since my last day off (I’m including my side biz work). Last night I went to a friend’s house for dinner. This morning I slept until 7, tonight I’m having some friends over, and Sunday I’m going to breakfast with a friend after church. I’ll fit in my side biz, yard work, and I’ll fit in have tos that keep us afloat, like correspondence, bills, etc.  But three days off after the work demands of the last few months is like being given a snow day in June.

When you work at a high school, the end of the school year is like Christmas, New Year’s eve, and April 15th (tax day) all at once. The relatives are coming, the presents have to be wrapped, and there is a deadline that doesn’t budge without an unforgiving consequence. Students have earned a graduation ceremony worthy of celebrating their accomplishments, in many cases, one they didn’t believe they could achieve. On days when I’m being pulled in multiple directions, these kids and their families inspire (or motivate) me to press on. After dedicated work by the students, staff, families, and supports, graduation is the reward of all the tears, frustrations, and above all, commitment.

As the principal’s secretary, I’m surrounded by staff who are eager for their summer break. I truly am happy for them, I think. I love hearing about their pending adventures. But I feel a little like I’m sending them off on their European vacation while I stay home with the baby, because I’m the “man of the house now, and they know I’ll take good care of things.” 

But I have today off, it’s a Friday, and I’m luxuriating this morning with my bible, my doggie, a gratifying view of my back yard, I’m writing, and I have the anticipation of a “to do” list that includes things that will bring me lots of satisfaction.

Happy Summer!