The New Year is Under Way

I’ve finished my first week on the job, which was spent in school. 120 handwritten pages, and three pens, and this back that doesn’t like to sit all day has survived. I wasn’t crazy about school, but I liked the information (most) I was learning. I could have done without Ocean and Inland Marine insurance, but it’s part of the license exam, so it’s part of the class. Bradley wondered why he has to learn about some of the algebraic lessons he’s learning in school right now, and I can to relate to him on a whole new level.

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I don’t know if I’ve ever gone through a pen! And yes, that is my donut. My diets include half donuts.

I learned that in Oregon’s Workman’s Comp, there is more benefit to the surviving spouse due to death than there is in a divorce. There is even a clause that provides compensation due to what is called “Consortium,” which is the lack of affection (sex) that the surviving spouse will experience. That illustrates several things to me, among them that the sanctity of marriage is regarded and upheld within in the insurance environment, and less within a divorce. I recognize that death and divorce are different, but I believe they are incredibly similar, and possibly, divorce is more difficult to manage than is the death of a spouse. I understand that opens up a big conversation, but I’ll stop there. It’s a fascinating subject to me, and the class kept my mind weaving scenarios in many aspects of life (except for Ocean and Inland Marine).

I didn’t keep my morning schedule as clean as I wanted. I did work out each morning. After the first day I knew it was going to be very important for my body to move and stretch in order to survive the all day sitting. The first Monday had me out of bed at 5 (yes, like my excitement for the first day of school).  I shoved reading the bible, praying, stretching, a walk, and then getting ready and managing the dogs and Bradley. But each morning thereafter was just like the 2nd, 3rd, etc days of school.  I wasn’t able to get to bed by 9.

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I’d get in bed, but stayed up a bit studying. Yes, those are Sees Candies (My favorite. My former mother in law keeps the tradition of always bringing them to me, which I enjoy.) They only accompanied me on the first night of studying, before I realized the wardrobe challenge in getting ready for work. Some people wore their workout tights to the class. I was tempted.

So, in the mornings I’d push the snooze button and all I managed was getting out of bed to get either in a walk or to the gym. The wardrobe was a scramble each morning, too. I may have gained more than five pounds. It’s a bit of an issue right now. It’s not so much that I mind being five pounds heavier. At 54, I am able to accept a bit of weight. The bigger issue (ha, the bigger issue?) is that I don’t want to spend money (or time) to purchase new clothes to support the five pounds!

Time was tight for sure, if I’m trying to accomplish all the things I want to. It wasn’t possible for me. Saturday came with relief. I awoke with a sense that my Saturday was mine. I wasn’t nearly as productive as I would have liked; my house remains undecorated. But my free time was mine to schedule, without the burden of more job seeking, or a pre-occupation with the responsibility to work or look for work. Having an “at home” job for me meant working on Saturdays and Sundays. My time never felt like my own. Free time had a price, because I felt I owed someone (not sure who!) time that should be spent looking for a job. Studying, blogging, hiking, housework, decorating, can all be done without the weight of uncertainty. Dave Ramsey has a class called Financial Peace University. It’s so accurately named.

My exam will be within the next couple of weeks. We’re still sorting out when to take it. I may not pass it the first time which seems acceptable to my boss. But the last thing I want to do is continue in this studying cramming mode. I’m not a good memorizer, so it’s going to take a lot of discipline on my part, more than what comes natural to me. For example, studying in the evenings when Bradley is home requires a complete mind shift. It feels wrong to isolate myself. Each night I’d tell myself I was going to have Bradley make his dinner, but I didn’t do that. Not because I don’t think he can do it. But because I’m his mom, and it’s a gift to him. Life is and will be different. So I want to make up for it in ways that I can and preparing his dinner seems like the least I can do. We played Farkle for about a half an hour one night and I was anxious, but I needed that connection with him. He needs love and nurturing as much as I need a job. In fact, I think what he needs is more important than a job, and that’s why it’s taken me this long to get serious about one.

I studied for 2 or 3 hours each night. This stuff isn’t coming easy to me, so I’m going to have to increase that. I’m comforting myself that once I take my exam my schedule will be more flexible. It may mean rearranging either my exercise or my bible reading though. This is all such an adjustment.

Monday I report to the office!

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First Day of School…I Mean, WORK

It’s the night before I begin my first day of work, but my emotions take me back to the first day of school.  At one point in my life I would get my room in order and plan out my clothes for the next week. Once school was in full force, that type of preparation slipped and I was like most everyone else, where I scrambled in the morning to get dressed. But I remember the anticipation well, and fondly.

I’m not quite at that point tonight. In fact, my house is a mess. I’ve deChristmastized my home (a new word…Dr. Seuss would be proud).  Since my house wasn’t quite in order when I started decorating for Christmas, deChristmastizing has returned it to its pre-holiday state. I’ve got my work cut out for me.

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I moved some furniture around in my bedroom today because my dresser was covering up a vent. My room is a mess.  I’m not yet done with Christmas cards.

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Yes, I said that out loud. Not only will those receiving my card know how late I am, but now you all do. I tried so hard to let Christmas cards go this year, but it’s a familiar story for me. It’s like putting on my seat belt. I’ve done it so long, late or not, I’m doing it.

So, those are my two objectives tonight. Get the counter cleared and the cards ready for mail, and my room in decent order, and get to bed…I’m shooting for 9pm. I’m wondering what I’ll wear. Insurance school starts at 8am. What do people wear to insurance school??  I’ll play it safe and be fairly conservative, and hope the five pounds I’ve gained in the last couple of weeks doesn’t reduce my clothing options in my closet too much.

It’s been a long time since I’ve been this excited for something. And to think, I’ll be making money tomorrow, within a full time permanent job. No wondering where I’ll go or what I’ll do. It’s predictable bliss and oh so satisfying. I understand if you’re not where I am. But like most things, we appreciate them more when we have lost them. If you haven’t lost your home, your job, or your way, but you find yourself unable to find any type of excitement in your work, this perspective is worth serious consideration.

My guess is that your first Monday of 2015 won’t be like your first day back to school, full of hope and anticipation.  But if you consider that work is a privilege, and recognize the gift that it is, your job can become more than a job, but an opportunity.  We are blessed when we are able bodied and in a position to give and receive. We are blessed when we have the opportunity to execute our skills and be rewarded with the ability to pay our bills that give us food and shelter. That is God’s design. In Matthew 20 I read that the work day in Jesus’ day was 12 hours. That makes an 8 hour day worth celebrating!

May the first Monday of 2015 bring you joy in your ability to give to your employer and receive from your employer.  I plan on doing just that!

Talk soon!

Joni

P.S… I didn’t make my 9pm bed time. Rats!

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My Prayer for 2015

Dear God, I thank you for this day in Portland, Oregon. The sky is clear; it’s crisp and strikingly beautiful. I thank you for the comfort of my home.

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I embrace this new year with enthusiasm and excitement. In this morning it’s easy to do.  A new 2015 is on the immediate horizon. Even with my enthusiasm for what’s ahead, I am aware that the realities of the new schedule will be different than what I’ve been living. The differences remain to be seen, and in some ways, I welcome what I imagine to be more predictable, even if rigid. I pray that you walk with me this year as I become fully enveloped in my new job, even on those days when it’s ordinary and mundane, strenuous and frustrating.

I pray Lord that I will walk in your will, every day. I recognize the impossibility of that, but it’s my desire, nonetheless. I ask that your Holy Spirit would speak to me when I’m out of your will, and that I would correct before I make mistakes that are difficult to adjust, especially when they affect other people. I pray Lord that my heart for people would be your heart. That I would see them through your eyes, accepting their faults and aware of my own, and that ultimately, I wouldn’t spend any time at all on anyone’s faults. This is why I pray; I know myself well.

I pray Lord that you will give this old mind the ability to learn things that don’t come easy to me. Insurance and numbers have never been easy for me. But you gave me this job, so I trust you know something about me that I do not.  I ask that you would give me clarity and comprehension, and that like a sponge I would absorb information that will help me in being the best I can be in my job.  I pray that my information would be used to improve others’ lives. That it would be helpful and valuable, and that it would all work together for your good, my well being, and financial security.

I pray that my new relationships will be meaningful and that while I’m working full time, my old relationships will remain strong and lifelong.

I pray for my children’s well being while I am gone for a 40 hour work week. That when I am unable to help them, our history will emerge and wisdom will be on their side. That the effort of the past will be fruit for their future, and that they will thrive in your will and your Holy Spirit will be their guide.

I pray for the dogs, that they will be happy and find a way to entertain themselves, so that I am not spending my time doing that when I come home. I pray that they learn to use the doggie door and that they use it to go out and relieve themselves, and that in the process they remain in our yard, and safe.

I pray that I’m disciplined and return to good eating habits and that my bad habits don’t linger into Valentine’s Day, or any other excuse I can find to eat a good or bad meal, or snacks, or samples at Costco.

I pray that in the midst of my job, I can continue to build a home where at the end of the day, it’s where I most want to be, and that ultimately, others also enjoy spending time. I pray that I am able to continue the small things that will add to my skill set and professional value, such as Spanish. In that, I include my blog; where that fits, I don’t know, but I ask you Lord that I can continue it, unless I discover I no longer enjoy it.

I ask you Lord that your Holy Spirit will guide me in my schedule. That I will make time for reading your word first thing in the morning, time for prayer, and for exercise.  That my first priority is to feed my soul with your words, and that I will provide for my body what it needs to stay strong and live a long life, God willing.

Lord, as I say this prayer, I am reminded of a million things that I could ask you for.  Time for good meals, my kids’ activities, discipline in getting to bed early, so I can get up early. I praise you every time I get out of bed, because as much as I love the day when I get going, I love my bed when I’m in it. Transitions are hard, and that transition is included.

You are my strength. In you, I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.  I understand Lord that I will fall short of my earthly aspirations. I ask Lord that you will keep me grounded and I ask that my perspective will be what is important to you.  My human nature will seek to accomplish it all, but I ask you Lord to bless me with your nature. I pray Lord that my life in 2015 will glorify you.

I am excited for 2015. My hope comes from you. You have been my provider and will continue to provide according to your will for my life. I thank you Lord for 2014. It was hard, good, and I (we) walked it with you. I ask Lord that we continue into 2015 in the same way, and that each step is a step closer to victory, whatever that looks like.

I love you.

Amen

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Mary, Joseph, and Jesus

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Merry Christmas.

It’s an honor to share this image with you on Christmas. We believe that God gave Bridgette and me this image in 2011 when we were walking in a hospital hallway on a day when we needed it most.  I had been desperate that morning. I needed God to reveal himself to me. On my knees I begged him to make himself known to me, so I could carry on with the work I had to do to ensure Bridgette’s well being, as well as be the mom I needed to be for both kids.

In a despondent state, I walked briskly down the hall, late for an appointment. The wing of the hospital where we walked was under construction, and the workers had been applying plaster to the walls.  Bridgette stopped suddenly and asked if I’d seen “that?” I didn’t know what “that” was and I told her we needed to hurry for the appointment.  She insisted that I stop and she walked back toward me. She pointed toward the floor and at this image.  Instantly I felt a sense of relief come over me. God was making himself known to me.

I cherish this image and hope to use it every year in some form on our Christmas card (I have to learn Photo Shop, first). As inspirational as it is, I think my friends will tire of the same card every Christmas.  Last year a friend’s daughter designed the card with color, and this year, Bradley taught himself a little Photo Shop and came up with this.

Merry Christmas. May God reveal himself to you in new ways.  Let him reveal himself to you through this image.  I’m certain it was meant to be shared.

Joni

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Merry Christmas to All, and to All a Good Night

Christmas Eve.

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It’s all drawing to a close. Like the end of summer, I will the season to last longer. Yet, I know what often makes something special is the absence of it. I love the seasons and the fresh perspective that each season brings to my life. I don’t want sunshine 365 days a year, and I don’t want glitter and Christmas melodies 365 days a year. With both sunshine and Christmas, I mourn the loss, yet adjust quickly, and by the time each is in sight again, I find myself gleeful with delight and embracing it all over again. There are aspects of Christmas I dislike. But the sparkle and music are in full force in my life at the holidays. Couple that with the sobering reminder that Jesus is God’s son, and that his birth brought hope to a broken world. There have been times when those two awesome components couldn’t rouse me into merry making. But this year, I enjoyed fun time merry making and my heart overflowed with joy at the thought of Jesus’ birth and his impact on our broken world.

Our Christmas cards aren’t yet finished. They’ll go out between Christmas and New Year’s.  I’ve done something unique with my (our) Christmas cards since I was a young adult. Each year as the mom demands got greater, I would toy with the idea of not doing a card. But old habits die hard. I’m still not sure what I’m doing, but I’ve invested enough time into them that I’ll finish them some how, some way…it may have to be minus my printer… we will see.

The season brought our house to a place of home. When the decorations come down, I hope I still like it.  Christmas decorations have a way of camouflaging the flaws in a home.  With the decorations up and the living portions of our home feeling cozy, we had a few friends over.  I got to use my kitchen to cook, not just put together food, and I loved it!  I was just glad it gets dark about 4pm.  No one could see the yard that so desperately needs improvements.

Today was a bit of a scramble as I made Chex Mix goodie bags for neighbors and friends.  I always start that piece of Christmas giving later than I’d like. Ultimately, we made it to our church’s 2pm Christmas Eve candle light service.

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As I sing and listen, I wonder how I can say “Thank You” enough to the producers of this particular service. It’s engaging, entertaining, and edifying in the deepest sense. It brings me to a place of gratitude for this day because of what Jesus means to us. We end it with about 1200 people holding lighted candles, and our Pastor reminds us to be the light of the world, and we all, in that moment, believe that we are the light of the world, and that we will carry our light with us where ever we are throughout the year.  In a world of darkness, that is no easy task, and I appreciate being emboldened for such an endeavor.

A good friend joined us today. She doesn’t attend our church, and to have her beside me and share what Jesus means to me was intimate, and a gift unto itself. It was a shared memory that I will treasure.

Afterward, the kids and I delivered some of the goodie bags I’d scrambled to prepare earlier in the day. Then I took them to the Ringside Fish House for a special dinner to celebrate Christmas eve, and to celebrate my new job. It was a big deal night. We had great food with great atmosphere. I did ask to be moved from a back corner.  I’d been told the extra room that they were seating in was going to be nicely decorated, but when they seated us, my heart sank as I looked at the four bare walls.  I couldn’t stand to spend our Christmas eve night in an atmosphere that didn’t shout Christmas.  The hostess accommodated us, and all was good. Although, I feel badly for whomever got placed where we left.

We came home, opened PJ gifts, and settled in with “It’s a Wonderful Life” and some of the goodies we’ve been getting from friends. We all fell asleep early and decided to get to bed, and that’s where I am right now.  It’s our first year where we didn’t read “Twas the Night Before Christmas.” Things are changing, but I’m satisfied nonetheless.

I will get up early to fill stockings and then make a new recipe from Yummly called Cinnamon Roll Pizza.  I’ll let you know how it goes.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

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