No News is Good News

Checking in with a few friends as I head out for my first Valentine’s date in over ten years!

My last post said that my next post would be on my on line dating life. That was over two weeks ago. Not that this is good news to you, but good news for me is that I have met someone! And honestly, in the moment, I’m not crazy about writing about it.

First off, a new relationship finds hours in a day you didn’t know you had. But those hours are spent on each other, not on writing blog posts. It’s true that this time in my life, having left a FT job and started Juggle Source, allows me flexibility. I believe whole heartedly that when I was working my FT job, if Brad Pitt were knocking on my door I could not have found time to date him. I know that’s hard to believe, but my sanity is dependent on my home, spiritual life, my kids, friends, job, learning how to do a job, etc. There are only so many hours in a day, and Brad would have gotten the boot. Well, unless he would have joined me in the yard and at church. Then I would have considered him.

When I left my job last August, I didn’t think, “I’m going to start a new job and date.” In fact, it didn’t enter my mind once. But somewhere in the midst of creating Juggle Source and talking with a friend, I had a sobering thought that my marketability was narrowing. Finding a partner wasn’t something I consciously considered. I just “figured” it might happen some day. Then I realized that nothing was happening, and that if I wanted to be with someone, which I very much do, in spite of my ten year absence from a partner, I would need to create a plan. Like my courageous friend, I decided I would follow her lead and explore dating, on line. So I signed up for EHarmony.

I referred to my personality quiz results in the post (see link above). I am impressed with how EHarmony is able to use those quizzes to match people. In a 30 minute quiz, EHarmony has you figured out, kind of. About 10 years ago, in the middle of a night when I was sick, had slept all day, and couldn’t sleep, I decided to hunt around on EHarmony. I really wasn’t interested in dating. Not in the least, and I think my personality quiz showed that, because even after entering a mileage distance of “unlimited”, my results came back with no matches. NO MATCHES. IN THE WHOLE UNITED STATES. It could have had something to do with a few of my answers. For example, the one that asked what my trust level is on a scale of 1 to 10. I think I put 2. I trusted my kids, so they each got a point. I really wasn’t upset, and in fact it humored me. But there must have been something in my voice when I called my friend. Or maybe she couldn’t imagine that a person could overcome such rejection, because she brought me flowers the next day.

This time around I must be pretty matchable, because there are more matches than a person could possibly consider. However, there are very few in Oregon. Even with that, there are many matches that would be a disaster from the get go. Like one who says, “Looking for Mrs. Right. A beautiful woman who takes care of herself and embraces life with enthusiasm and vitality.” And what happens when she stops taking care of herself because a crisis erupts in her life and she’s crippled with heartache over a child who is sick or has lost a job and can’t make the mortgage payments for his family of four? Or, “Looking for a woman who is able to pick up and leave at a moment’s notice and discover the world.” That’s a nice idea, and he’s a match for someone, but I don’t know how he got mixed in with my matches. I’d be like, “Sure! Let’s go. Can you mow the lawn first, spread the bark dust, and weed the back yard? Oh, and supplement my income?”

Yet… there are some that are just right. It’s too early to talk about him specifically. But I will tell you this: Dating is fun until you like someone. What I mean is that I enjoyed the two times I met someone (I call them meetings, because it’s not really a date). It was fun to go make conversation and see what happens. They were both good and seemingly quality men, but there was no chemistry. I can analyze that, but what’s the point? In time, they will likely meet someone with whom they do have chemistry. I’m big on chemistry. I feel like it starts with that. There are things that attract me to a person, and it’s not good or bad. Oil and water don’t mix, but oil and water are good by themselves. It’s not fair to dissect a person because after one date, I’m not “feelin’ it.” It’s two people coming together that mix well. Then you move to other things, like values, life goals, etc. For me, his love for Jesus. However, that wasn’t always the case.

Then I connected with a third person. He lives in Washington, so meeting wasn’t easy. After a few days of online chat, we moved to the phone where suddenly I found two and three hours in a day to talk on the phone. In the evening, I stretched out on my couch and chemistry waves flowed through the phone as if he was closer to me than Winky who nestled into my thigh. We scheduled our first meeting: Valentine’s Day. During the two weeks of getting to know him by phone, and the anticipation of meeting him, was both fun and terrifying, because I liked him.

The plan was that he would come here (check 1). Suddenly everything needed attention. The extra five pounds that hung on since the holidays. Date clothes had to be found (like I found time to talk on the phone, I found time for shopping and money for clothes. I hate shopping, so I knew I was serious). I sent pics to friends of outfit combinations and I modeled outfits for one good friend and raided her closet. I got things in order that I’d put off. I shaved my legs. I cleaned up my yard from the winter ruins, and cleaned my house like I was hosting a party (of 1).

As the big day approached I vacillated between excitement and dread. Excitement if I liked him in person as much as I liked him on the phone, and dread that in person would be a disappointment, to either of us. On Valentine’s Day morning I prayed, “God, don’t let us cause each other pain.” I liked him too much for that. I didn’t want to be a source of pain, and I also didn’t want to be the subject of it. I continue to ask God to lead me and us. My prayer was also, that God’s will be done. I don’t necessarily believe that God appoints someone for us. I’m not saying he doesn’t, but I am confident that God has given me the ability to make my own decisions, and when I’m in communion with him, he will guide me.  God wants what is best for me, so I am doing my best to allow the relationship to develop without force, manipulation, or fear. It’s still early and good things take time, also something that wasn’t always the case.

Our Valentine’s date was awesome. It lasted for two days (not nights), and we continue to talk. That’s all the time I have now. I’ve got to get to work, and save time for an hour or so of phone time tonight. Our phone time has slowed down, thank goodness. So I got to write a post!