I’ve finished my first week on the job, which was spent in school. 120 handwritten pages, and three pens, and this back that doesn’t like to sit all day has survived. I wasn’t crazy about school, but I liked the information (most) I was learning. I could have done without Ocean and Inland Marine insurance, but it’s part of the license exam, so it’s part of the class. Bradley wondered why he has to learn about some of the algebraic lessons he’s learning in school right now, and I can to relate to him on a whole new level.

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I don’t know if I’ve ever gone through a pen! And yes, that is my donut. My diets include half donuts.

I learned that in Oregon’s Workman’s Comp, there is more benefit to the surviving spouse due to death than there is in a divorce. There is even a clause that provides compensation due to what is called “Consortium,” which is the lack of affection (sex) that the surviving spouse will experience. That illustrates several things to me, among them that the sanctity of marriage is regarded and upheld within in the insurance environment, and less within a divorce. I recognize that death and divorce are different, but I believe they are incredibly similar, and possibly, divorce is more difficult to manage than is the death of a spouse. I understand that opens up a big conversation, but I’ll stop there. It’s a fascinating subject to me, and the class kept my mind weaving scenarios in many aspects of life (except for Ocean and Inland Marine).

I didn’t keep my morning schedule as clean as I wanted. I did work out each morning. After the first day I knew it was going to be very important for my body to move and stretch in order to survive the all day sitting. The first Monday had me out of bed at 5 (yes, like my excitement for the first day of school).  I shoved reading the bible, praying, stretching, a walk, and then getting ready and managing the dogs and Bradley. But each morning thereafter was just like the 2nd, 3rd, etc days of school.  I wasn’t able to get to bed by 9.

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I’d get in bed, but stayed up a bit studying. Yes, those are Sees Candies (My favorite. My former mother in law keeps the tradition of always bringing them to me, which I enjoy.) They only accompanied me on the first night of studying, before I realized the wardrobe challenge in getting ready for work. Some people wore their workout tights to the class. I was tempted.

So, in the mornings I’d push the snooze button and all I managed was getting out of bed to get either in a walk or to the gym. The wardrobe was a scramble each morning, too. I may have gained more than five pounds. It’s a bit of an issue right now. It’s not so much that I mind being five pounds heavier. At 54, I am able to accept a bit of weight. The bigger issue (ha, the bigger issue?) is that I don’t want to spend money (or time) to purchase new clothes to support the five pounds!

Time was tight for sure, if I’m trying to accomplish all the things I want to. It wasn’t possible for me. Saturday came with relief. I awoke with a sense that my Saturday was mine. I wasn’t nearly as productive as I would have liked; my house remains undecorated. But my free time was mine to schedule, without the burden of more job seeking, or a pre-occupation with the responsibility to work or look for work. Having an “at home” job for me meant working on Saturdays and Sundays. My time never felt like my own. Free time had a price, because I felt I owed someone (not sure who!) time that should be spent looking for a job. Studying, blogging, hiking, housework, decorating, can all be done without the weight of uncertainty. Dave Ramsey has a class called Financial Peace University. It’s so accurately named.

My exam will be within the next couple of weeks. We’re still sorting out when to take it. I may not pass it the first time which seems acceptable to my boss. But the last thing I want to do is continue in this studying cramming mode. I’m not a good memorizer, so it’s going to take a lot of discipline on my part, more than what comes natural to me. For example, studying in the evenings when Bradley is home requires a complete mind shift. It feels wrong to isolate myself. Each night I’d tell myself I was going to have Bradley make his dinner, but I didn’t do that. Not because I don’t think he can do it. But because I’m his mom, and it’s a gift to him. Life is and will be different. So I want to make up for it in ways that I can and preparing his dinner seems like the least I can do. We played Farkle for about a half an hour one night and I was anxious, but I needed that connection with him. He needs love and nurturing as much as I need a job. In fact, I think what he needs is more important than a job, and that’s why it’s taken me this long to get serious about one.

I studied for 2 or 3 hours each night. This stuff isn’t coming easy to me, so I’m going to have to increase that. I’m comforting myself that once I take my exam my schedule will be more flexible. It may mean rearranging either my exercise or my bible reading though. This is all such an adjustment.

Monday I report to the office!

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