Starting, Again.

Starting, again. Starting this blog again, and as I write those words I am reminded, that I’m always starting again. Maybe that’s what this blog is about. How to start again, where ever you are. That’s the point, really, not to stop starting!

So, hello. It’s been a long time desire to write a book, and thus far I haven’t figured that out, so I decided I’d write a blog. I’ve started and stopped on and off for over a year. I’ve been writing another blog, but it’s anonymous. In it I shared a lot of raw details about grief and frustrations. I thought aloud about how to handle situations. Sometimes it was with my ex husband, his family, or parenting my two children who needed way more than I felt I could give. Grief after a hard divorce is hard to expose publicly. Unlike other tragic losses where we share in the grief, the loss of a family through divorce is harder for the world to feel with you. It points fingers and in our case was ugly and tragic. It’s uncomfortable for others to watch, so it can be lonely. While I wanted to share the raw truth, knowing there were others out there who would relate, I couldn’t bring myself to expose my children, and when it came down to it, my ex-husband and his family. It would have made for a lot of discomfort on all sides. I often tell my children not to let someone elses behavior dictate your behavior. In other words, regardless of how you’ve been treated, keep in mind who you are, and who you want to be. I wanted to live that out for my children, and myself. It all just felt too uncomfortable for who I want to be.

Now I am here, on JoniFrances, getting to talk to my heart’s content, without a real understanding of an objective or a style. But if I wait for all the pieces to come together, the wait will prevent me from action. So, I’m starting again. The imperfections and learning curve will probably be slow, but hopefully the process will evolve into something meaningful. And if the most meaningful thing I can do is to create an outlet for my emotions that keeps my home a place of relative peace, I have succeeded at least on that level! The degree of specificity will depend on the degree to which I will affect others. I hope I can manage transparency and consideration so that there will be healing for everyone. And all for the small fee of $99 on WordPress! I may indulge in an upgrade and customized webpage once the cash flow is better after moving into our new home.

Writing, crying, talking, and Jesus have been my therapy. Like a love song Taylor Swift writes for herself, this blog is my love song. It could sting a little, but with a little sting I hope comes a lot of fun and love and healing, and like a Taylor Swift song, I hope you can relate and sing along with me.